If I Owned My Own Company

Of all the long dead of American dreams, is being your own boss. You remember that old and crusty dream, right? No middle managers berating and mentally abusing you in your cubicle, yes, it would be grand. I have put together some points from the one page The DeathBecomesMe Corp. employee handbook.

 Monotonous and meaningless meetings are forbidden, along with anything that could even be considered a meeting. Talking about the job at the water cooler? Verboten! If you want to drone on and on in front of people for an eternity, do it somewhere else bub.

Next on the chopping block-annual performance reviews. Most companies now use the painful and convoluted performance review to eliminate any chance of getting a raise. If applying for a job at DeathBecomesMe Corp., know that you may or may not get a yearly raise. If that's not good enough for you, sod off.

*Any instances of Microsoft SharePoint will be napalmed into fucking oblivion. If you love SharePoint, go waste your life away somewhere else.

So, there you have it. DeathBecomesMe Corp.: "We Won't Make You Want to Commit Suicide."

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