The cynic's guide to American politics

Take your poison bitches.


  1. America is a Plutocracy*
  2. You can’t fucking impeach Obama or repeal Obamacare, you fucking idiot you. Taking away 10 million people’s health insurance would result in another civil war.
  3. Evil corporations rule the US. Politicians are bought and paid for.
  4. There’s a thing called, “separation of church and state.” All you batshit-crazy religious zealots stay home and pray that zippers were never invented or something.
  5. There’s no magic widget that requires thousands of people in a factory to assemble. Those days are over. Anything that we do manufacture here is massively automated.
  6. If your kid gets mowed down in a mass school shooting with an AR-15, would you want stricter gun laws? Or would that just make you and your slack-jawed, Jesus-lovin’ redneck fucking friends move to a ranch in the desert and stock up on guns and ammo, waiting for the apocalypse?
  7. Kirsten Gillibrand is hawte.
  8. Mormons and door-to-door campaigners are the same thing.
  9. If you want to keep your party, you can keep your party. It doesn’t matter. They are both the same.
  10. Again, America isn't the world’s police force. We don't have the money to go around toppling dictators and miscellaneous Islamic nutjobs. If they want to destroy us, let them come here. They'll ultimately feel sad for us, with our crumbling roads, bridges and infrastructure and go back to their desert shitholes.
*(the wealthy and powerful rule the hordes of poor)

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