Showing posts from October, 2014

Best barters of The Old Man

In my never ending quest to recall every brutal and excruciating moment of my life, I’ve decided to take a look back at some of the great barters of The Old Man. This will be a multi-part series, and I expect some collaboration from The Family. As you may recall, The Old Man was a famed electrician in my hometown. Cut from the same savvy business acumen as let’s say a Lee Iaccoca, The Old Man could smell a deal from a mile away. Not that they ever resembled anything close to a good deal mind you. The orange over-sized down coats My brother, let’s call him, Craig, imparted one such painful, Let’s make a deal moment. So one fall, two of The Old Man’s sons needed winter coats. Let’s call them, Robert and Chris. Well, it just so happens that a certain shrewd Jewish clothing store owner needed some electrical work done at his shop. Oy vey! And he had a deal for my father. Jewish shop keeper: “Aach, I will give you these two luxurious down jackets, as seen in American Werewolf in London, if you…

Fuckloads of pumpkin-flavored heaven

It’s that time of year when every bloody thing is made with copious amounts of pumpkiny goodness. If you can drink or eat it, odds are, there’s a pumpkin version. But what is it about pumpkin that makes your miserable life just a tad better? Is it a slight reminder of when we had actual fall weather, as opposed to going from summer straight to brutal winter as we have now? And when have you ever just sat down, cracked open a pumpkin and started eating? Does anyone know what an actual pumpkin tastes like?

Years ago, before the pumpkin orgy, the only thing made of pumpkin was pie at Thanksgiving. I suppose that we humans get a taste of something and have to go full-tilt until we go careening off of the ledge. At this point, we’re approaching the ledge, but the amounts of goodies that can be made with pumpkin, are pushing that ledge infinitely far away.