Oh, your gums are bleeding
Is there anything more depressing/makes you feel fucking old than going to the dentist? Dentists always seem to come up with more and more painful ways to increase the self-loathing. The latest thing is to use these plastic and metal lip prying devices so they can take digital pictures of all of your teeth. It looks like something out of a Marilyn Manson video. Then the hygienist prints them out and shows them to you in all of their excruciating detail. Yes, all the years of drinking coffee and eating popcorn kernels makes a rather hideous close-up.
I’m sure that some of you have experienced the dental pick that shoots a stream of salt water into every nook and cranny. That’s my new favorite. The shear amazement at which the hygienist responds at the site of blood gushing out of your gums is beyond compare. I’m pretty sure that if I jam a surgical-grade steel death pick into any number of soft tissues on my body, blood will come forth.
So there you have it. Go to your dentist and revel in the agony and mortality of it all.