Showing posts from November, 2012

Owen Slater

I'm too pissed this week about the death of Owen Slater on Boardwalk Empire to create a new card. Suck it writers.

How to tell when it's time to jump in front of a speeding bus

For those wack jobs out there that have a hard time telling when every other living thing on the planet despises you, I've come up with some handy tips. You can use these to gage whether or not you should off yourself.

1. Look into a mirror. When you do this and notice that your eyes are bugging out and moving wildly, this is a good sign that you're certifiable. This is called, "crazy eyes" syndrome. Normal people are afraid of these eyes. If you do indeed have "crazy eyes", stop right here and find a sharp knife.

2. Hate me today. If you do a Google search and find three or more websites out there devoted to your slow painful death, you might actually be hated enough to just not be alive any longer.

3. Hold please. If you consider state child support or unemployment agency workers, your good friends, wine is fine but whiskey's quicker!
4. Black crows. If everywhere you go crows follow and drop animal carcasses at your feet, well, you know.