When I was a kid...
I think some of you may agree with me that kids today are mentally incapable of doing anything for themselves without dying. When I was a kid and had something to do outside of school and it was not blizzarding, I would ride my bike. Yes, my ancient banana seat, rust/red spray painted bike. We would ride our bikes everywhere. You know what unfortunately? I’m still here. People had cars back then. They were even heavier back then. I never knew one kid that was squished by a Ford. If The Old Man had to drive nine kids around non-stop all week long, he would have gotten snipped after the first one.
So remember parents, when you sign your kids up for some, “insert cute-sounding” activity here, you will be the one carting them around. Oh, it might be fun at first, when they are still little and adorable. But, it will get tiresome soon, especially in the case of things like, say, karate. This evil “sport” is run by a consortium of extortionists and blackmailers. The whole thing is designed to keep your kid in it as long as possible. The owners of these outfits invent multiple colors of belts and little pieces of electrical tape to add to them, this ensures years of income. The pieces of tape on every belt, denotes how many cars they own.
So, there you have it. I hate sports and I hate driving. Kids, ride your bikes. Derp.