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Showing posts from March, 2012

Gym class memories that still make you cringe

In the ever-inventive world of gym teachers, few came up with more maniacal activities than the ones I had as a kid. As the old stupid saying goes, what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but they weren’t talking about gym class. I have gathered up some of the best, although it has caused me much agony to do so. I will omit the ubiquitous “square dancing," as I’m sure everyone has suffered this extreme torture worthy of a master Gestapo agent. I blame this wretched coed embarrassment on the popularity of country music and Hee Haw in the 70’s.
The Pool  Ok, I guess you are lucky if you have a school district with enough money to have a pool in a few schools, but swimming ten laps in an Olympic-sized pool is not my idea of a fun time. Most of the burnouts practically had heart attacks after one lap. Adding sand to the Vaseline in this was the fact that we had to wear used Speedo-type bathing suits. Oh yes they were supposedly washed every day, but still, ick. I don’t know if …

When I was a kid...

I think some of you may agree with me that kids today are mentally incapable of doing anything for themselves without dying. When I was a kid and had something to do outside of school and it was not blizzarding, I would ride my bike. Yes, my ancient banana seat, rust/red spray painted bike. We would ride our bikes everywhere. You know what unfortunately? I’m still here. People had cars back then. They were even heavier back then. I never knew one kid that was squished by a Ford. If The Old Man had to drive nine kids around non-stop all week long, he would have gotten snipped after the first one.So remember parents, when you sign your kids up for some, “insert cute-sounding” activity here, you will be the one carting them around. Oh, it might be fun at first, when they are still little and adorable. But, it will get tiresome soon, especially in the case of things like, say, karate. This evil “sport” is run by a consortium of extortionists and blackmailers. The whole thing is designe…