Things I expect to see in The Golden Corral Chocolate Waterfall, or Pennsylvania, why are your roads so shitty?

This week I was going to speculate on what one would find in the new Golden Corral chocolate waterfall, but that would just be too easy. So, I've decided to rant about my recent drive through the great state of Pennsylvania.

Now it seems to me that just about every road in PA is under construction ad infinitum. Please, any Pennsyltuckians out there, chime in. What happens? As the road gets finished, ground dwelling creatures that despise smooth surfaces tears it up behind the crew? Maybe it's just the construction companies bilking the state by paving with shoddy asphalt and concrete. I can't imagine how much of the tax-payers dollar goes to rebuilding Rt. 81 every year. And you know what? Keep up the specially timed narrowing of lanes, like down to one, to coincide with all national holidays. Good job!

In honor of PA, I have decided to take a job with their tourist board writing bumper stickers for them. Here are some of my ideas that I have scrawled on a cocktail napkin, waiting for my car to get pulled out of a pothole in Hazelton, PA

Pennsylvania is for ass donuts.

Pennsylvania, land where our tires died.

Sorry I missed your call, but there's a big fucking mountain blocking the cell tower.

Pennsylvania, a good place to use your overdrive button.

Virtue, Liberty and good suspension.

Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads.

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