Posts

Showing posts from February, 2011

Happy St. Valentine's...Massacre

Image
Yes, it's that time once again where men line up like robots at Kay Jewler's to buy the current year's heart pendent necklace. These cheap baubles, along with heart-shaped boxes of chocolate and red roses are the mainstay gifts of this wretched holiday.

Couples line up at the local Applebees, hopefully without the kids, the husband in his best khakis and sweater combo, the wife, in her newly purchased (with a 15% coupon at Kohl's) outfit.

Ah yes what a perfect night. But wait, there's more. Valentine's Day means romance, and by romance, I mean sex. At least this is usually what the husband is thinking. Valentines sex is a tricky thing. If the little wife has a bad day or God forbid, have some sort of ailment, you can kiss the after dinner dessert goodbye. Luckily, this is one of the only times of the year that the ol hubby gets a guilt free night of hot nookie.

I hate to be this cynical about such a beloved holiday, but sadly, I don't care.

Top ten annoying corporate buzzwords

Image
If you're like me, nothing irks you like annoying sayings manager-types come up with in the office. (In no particular order)

10. Run it up the flag pole. This saying is pretty much useless and is like hearing nails scratching down a chalkboard.

 9. Just making sure we're all on the same page here. Um what page are you talking about?

 8. I hear what you're saying. Good for you asshole.

 7. Take this offline. The corporate buzzword for STFU!

 6. That being said. This one should be put to death and never resurrected.

 5. Lessons learned. Ugh.

 4. Touch base. Can't i just say, I'm going to talk to Jim about it?

 3. Moving forward. I prefer to just sit here.

 2. Deliverables. Do I work for UPS now?

 1. Caveat. What the hell does this even mean?