Showing posts from October, 2010

Another ask Eric a question

Dear Death Becomes Me:    I recently lost my job. Okay recently being a relative word. I lost and haven’t found a new one in over six months. I’ve tried everything I can think of, networking with friends, and family, going to employment agencies, walking into various corporate offices armed with a stack of résumé’s ---only to discover that guards are a lot tougher than then their overweight appearances initially let on. And 2, that soliciting jobs is a lot like soliciting sex only you're more likely to get solicited for sex cause the offices I went to were those on Capital Hill.    The reason for this letter is, I’ve got three more weeks of unemployment benefits, and then I am out on the street.  I don’t think I have much more to live for after the money runs out. I have expenses, a high maintenance girlfriend, a dog whose medical bills continue to trump the nation’s debt, not to mention (but I will because I’m in the mood to complain) various creditors (Sallie Mae) --who…

Birthday Wishes

Happy Birthday Jennifer! The best dang badass waitress there is!

Halloween costumes for manic depressives

Ah it's that creepy time of year again, I mean creepier than usual. It's nearing Halloween. Leaves are already red and orange, bad horror movies have taken over the TV on weekends. So this year I thought that I should dress up as something befitting a cool manic depressive such as myself. All of the cliche movie monsters really won't cut it.

My first thought for this years costume was Confused White Suicide Bomber. I decided against this because explosive vests tend to make me look fat.
I could do the whole range of suicidal death, i.e.; slit wrists, nylon noose around the neck, empty sleeping pill bottle(with stomach pump in case the emt's got to me in time). Somehow I would tether the empty prescription bottle to the end of my finger tip so it looks like I dropped on the floor as I slipped off to the netherworld.

I might go as a Great Depression era unemployed father of six standing in a bread line. For example one of these guys: 

This year I am far from home and as it …

Hello, uh where the bloody hell am I?

With recent slew of washed-up 80s metal and hair bands going back on tour to support their various addictions, my brother and I have decided to pitch a new reality TV show to VH-1. The show will be called On Tour Now! Each week, the show will follow a different band to their gig du jour. Of course, there will be a little bio of the band of the week filled with videos and images of their glory days. As a running gag on the show, every band will have extreme hatred for Bon Jovi and all of their/his success. In the cut scenes, we'll interview people on the street and ask them if they remember any of band of the weeks hits. Every person will of course name a Bon Jovi song.

Let's take your average platinum record selling band like Ratt, our first show's band of the week. Ratt has sold around 20 million records according to Wikipedia. The first scene opens with a zoom-in on some wretched motor lodge as the Ratt tour van pulls into the parking lot. Straggly fifty-something's …