Showing posts from October, 2009

Pumpkin Beer!

Happy Halloween Bitches!

Inapropriate children's Halloween costumes

This Halloween I was thinking of what funny or just ill advised costumes my kid could wear.  So I have decided to send him to his school parade as this:

I don't envision any problems.


Birthday wishes to everyone's favorite bad girl.

I'll take debauchery and a tan for 100, Alex.

In this, the second part of my musings on The Old Man's entrepreneurial ventures and rental properties, I would like to share the story of the Tanning Cabana. Once upon a time there was a luxurious tanning/hair/possible brothel business owned by The Old Man. This was located in a stately T-111 sided building which was slathered with a lovely dark green color. Positioned smack dab on the main drag of the town, it was the perfect spot for, well, just about any business you can imagine.

The Old Man had owned a couple of W***** tanning beds, made in Germany, you know the Germans always make good stuff, since the 1980s and everyone in town loved them. You could burn your back-side and get a nice orange glow on the rest of your body. There's nothing sexier, especially in a small town in the dead of winter. You now could truly play out all of your Miami Vice fantasies, even if there was eight feet of snow all around you and instead of a Ferrari you were driving an '84 Plymout…

You are too dumb to do things the normal way, buy this new product.

Have you ever really watched any infomercial?  These things are filled with people displaying over exaggerated facial expressions and failing at accomplishing normal everyday tasks. Take for example the Windshield Wonder commercial.  It shows various people struggling with cleaning glass and almost asphyxiating to death.  Behold:

What exactly does this chick use for glass cleaner?  Mustard gas?  Sarin?

Another wretched commercial that I despise is the dreaded Snuggie.   I know that like you, blankets fly off me with not a moments notice.  I need something that I can wear around to make me look like a monk.

(My knees are freezing and this M****** F****** phone keeps ringing!) 

Another ad that is hilarious and disturbing, is the one for Sure Clip nail clipper.  It comes with a magnifying glass with a led light on it.  So next time you have friends over that may have trouble reading the paper or a food label, just give them your dirty Sure Clip to help them read.

(Here you go Aunt Betty.  Do…