Don't talk to me, I'm trying to shit.
People in my office have an insatiable need to talk to others in the bathroom. Call it lacking in manners or just being completely void of couth. You know that if someone is next to you in the urinal, you will hear: "So, how's it going?" For one, I'm trying to piss here jackass. Two, how do you think it's going? It's Eric you're talking to stupid. Also, if you do happen to be on the toilet and someone is just in the bathroom washing their hands or something, they will take their time in the hopes that they get to see who comes out of the stall. I swear to 'insert higher power here'! They are all a sick bunch of weirdos.
No doubt some loser will try and talk to you about a business related issue. Because most people in the office want to work here till their dying day, they can't even leave the business talk at the head door. True story. My cohort, let's call him Bill, arrived in the bathroom and went into a stall to relieve some tension. Well, one of his immediate co-workers saw Bill go into the stall, and proceeded to babble on and on to him about some inane project rot and bother. Mind you, Bill is sitting on the John and this fool is still talking through the stall door.
Hence, I have made up big wooden signs with: "Don't talk to me, I'm trying to shit" printed on them. People can sign one out when they go. So next time you're in the bathroom, shut up.
Next week: Impending doom. Stocking up on cartons of cigarettes to stave off anal rape.