I was born. I suffered.
I suffered some more, and hopefully,
I won't die a painful death.
This is my life.

My ring for an air bubble

I have to hand it to The Old Woman, in the couple of months she has been battling cancer, and its various hellish side effects, never have I looked up to her more. Unfortunately, I have been too busy with organized children’s sports to visit her at the hospital and rehab facility as much as I’d like.
 
The Old Woman is very brave and tries to keep up a stiff upper lip. I tell you right now that if I was in her non-skid hospital socks, I would be a complete disaster. I'd be trying to get a line on any nurse there with a bad gambling habit. I’m sure I could bribe her with a turquoise ring to put an oxygen bubble in my vein.

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Run, don't walk away

To all the men out there, if your woman assaults you in any way, be it a slap or a scratch, run, don't walk away from her. She's bad news and will probably make your life a living hell until you die. So take my advice, someone who has had vacuum cleaners thrown at him, get the fuck away from that psycho.