I was born. I suffered.
I suffered some more, and hopefully,
I won't die a painful death.
This is my life.

The Old Woman and the Christmas cookies

Eat me
As it is Christmastime, I thought that I should tell the story of The Old Woman's Christmas cookies. The Old Woman was once a great baker, believe it or not. In the fall and summertime, she made her famous cinnamon rolls and apple pie. But, The Old Woman's greatest baking achievement was her Christmas cookies.

Now, the cookies that she made weren't the mediocre flat sugar cookies with a Hershey's kiss squished in the middle that you poor slugs are used to. The Old Woman's cookies were all hand made from scratch. She made a few different types every year.

The following list outlines The Old Woman's cookie repertoire:

Anisette cookies. (As pictured above). These Italian cookies are a vanilla and anisette flavored delicacy. Anisette gets its flavor from anise, a liquor, that tastes like licorice. On paper, they actually sound gross right? Well they are awesome! So, shut it!

Chocolate whiskey cookies. These were not my favorite and could be a tad dry. The Old Woman would put vanilla or chocolate frosting on these cookies. Even though they had whiskey in them, it wasn't overpowering and you couldn't light them on fire.

Fig-bars. Ok, these cookies required some help from The Old Man and a meat grinder.  Yes, we actually had a meat grinder. Surprisingly enough, the meat grinder was stored in the kitchen cabinet in its original box! This is strange because most appliances, silverware, dishes, pots and pans etc. at The Estate had a nasty habit of disappearing. The fig bar concoction was made with figs, walnuts, and raisins. The Old Woman would  mash the ingredients together and The Old Man ground them to a pulp with the hand-cranked meat grinder. Then, The Old Woman wrapped the anisette cookie dough around the figgy filling.

Speaking of The Old Man, on the outside, he hated Christmas. The Old Woman would spend millions of dollars each Christmas on presents and he couldn't stand it. But inevitably, his mood would change on Christmas Eve. He would go out and buy the neighbors Hickory Farms gift boxes or the infamous Friendly's Ice Cream Christmas log and make his rounds delivering them.

Anyway, after The Old Woman took her cookies out of the oven, she would spread out on Reynolds foil on every counter top and table we had.  Then the fun part came. When the cookies cooled, she let us frost them with her bitchin' icing. Every Christmas she would make a ton of cookies and freeze them. Most were saved, to be eaten on Xmas day for my sister's beloved annual bash.

I haven't had my mother's cookies for many years now. As I make my way back home this year for Christmas, I can only hope that someone, (Lori), in the family will carry on this faded tradition and mix up a batch. No fig cookies please.