I was born. I suffered.
I suffered some more, and hopefully,
I won't die a painful death.
This is my life.

The top home improvements made by The Old Man

As I have written before, The Old Man had an unmatched skill at coming up with insane projects around the estate. This will be a two part segment and I will attempt to list the coolest and most ingenious.

Although I wasn't around for the first twenty some odd years of the estate, stories have been handed down for what seem like an millennia. So in no certain order, here they are.


The Blue Vinyl Siding

Livin' the dream






The estate spent many years covered in a hard siding that was made out of asbestos siding seen here:



Well after a couple different paint schemes, the house looked dated and scary, it was time to replace the old siding.  The Old Man debated long and hard on what to replace the sad asbestos with and he decided on vinyl siding. He struck a deal with a contractor who he put a furnace in for and work was set to begin. But first, the old siding had to come off.  So the work force sprang into action and began ripping it off the house. But where would the workers put the broken pieces? A rented dumpster perhaps? Don't bother trying to guess because you never would be right. The broken siding, nails and other scrap were buried in the ground on the sides of the fence surrounding the pool. This served two purposes. 1. It built up the level of the ground so the fence no longer had gaps under it. 2. It was the cheapest and easiest way to get rid of tons of asbestos.

The Kitchen Deck

Like Hitler at his Berghof, The Old Man was master of all he surveyed. But something was missing. One day The Old Man and one of his SS lieutenants had the brilliant idea of carving a giant hole in the kitchen wall. This would allow Herr Old Man to erect a good sized deck with stairs leading down to his beloved pool. Plus, guests would not have to walk all the way around the front of the house or go through the cellar to get to the backyard. Soon a pressure treated deck and railing were completed along with a gorgeous patio door right off the kitchen. The deck even was equipped with accent lighting hidden under the railing. The Old Woman was thrilled. She now could sit up on the deck and watch friends and family in the pool.

The Slate Floor

Slate, it's not just a fancy roof covering. Now I don't exactly know how The Old Man thought of this bitchin' idea, but at one point he had a slate floor installed in the kitchen. If you don't know what slate looks like here is a picture, note this looks nothing like our kitchen:

To be honest the slate was a marked improvement over the brown shag carpeting that graced the kitchen previously. That beaut must have been fueled by gallons of Gennesee Cream Ale. Well, slate requires a nice and even subsurface in order to remain stable and not come up. This was not the case in the estate. Grout was constantly cracking and breaking apart allowing any water or Pepsi spilled on the floor to seep under the slate. Hence, the tiles were always loose. Understandably, this drove The Old Man nuts and a seemingly endless cycle of grouting and cementing of the floor occurred. Finally, the slate was replaced with a hardwood floor which in turn was destroyed by two Cocker spaniels. But that is another story.


The Boudoir Addition

The front of the estate had a beautiful Antebellumesque porch on the front of it. Weirdly, the The Old Man and Woman's bedroom was downstairs and located in the front of the house. It was a fairly small room, but it was enough to get the job done, if you know what I mean. The Old Woman yearned for some extra closet space for the furs, shoes and Liz Claiborne clothes. Guess what? Yes the outside wall was knocked out under the porch roof and a fabulous addition was constructed. This included his and hers closet space and a parquet floor. There's one odd Winchester House type twist of the addition, the ceiling fan in the room is positioned to cool, well nothing. There's absolutely no reason to have a ceiling fan in this closet addition.

Next time: The New Room, The Pool and others.