I was born. I suffered.
I suffered some more, and hopefully,
I won't die a painful death.
This is my life.

The SS Deflation- the air mattress from Hell

In a recent trip back home, I chose to stay with my parents at the old estate. This would also allow me to spend some much needed time with my son. Not to mention The Old Man and Old Woman in their last few remaining years. Fortunately for us the old mansion in the city is still in great shape and has a multitude of rooms in which to frolic. My son picked out his own knotty pine laden room and plugged in his Nintendo DS charger and laid out his Webkinz animals on the bed. By bed I mean moth eaten mattress laying on the floor. Luckily, my son is very resilient and lets many thing roll off his back. After we scraped off the layer of dust off on TV in the room, we were ready for a fabulous night.

After a while we were ready for bed.  As I lay there on the same mattress with my son, his asthma and other ailments kicked in and the snoring and snorting began. Now, there is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do for this kid. I would gladly take a bullet for him.  I barely slept, but it was worth it.

The next day began with the down stairs TV set to the bull horn volume setting. After a day of old movies and long dead family stories, it was time for bed.  This night my oldest brother, let's call him Steve, decided to spend the night after the ceaseless lovers spat with his old hag.  Well that sneaky Steve took over the "luxury" floor mattress and moved our things into another room. This room used to be mine.  The room now contained the sad remnants of a once vibrant and happy family. Miscellaneous clothes, books and pictures were strewn about covered in dust and despair.

Steve filled a ghastly air mattress for us to sleep on. This air mattress is one in which the air doesn't like to be confined. Upon laying down on the wretched thing, a hissing sound was heard.  My son fell fast asleep.  Maybe the leaking air was soothing, I don't know.  After my backside started hitting the floor, I made my way to the couch.  I battled the gigantic pillows and went to sleep.

In the morning I cracked my back and went upstairs to check on my son. I sort of gasped at the site. It was like looking at a baby deer engulfed in a blue lava flow. There he was wrapped in the vinyl of the air mattress snoring away happily.

For future trips home, I have already gathered a list of hotels in which to stay at.