I was born. I suffered.
I suffered some more, and hopefully,
I won't die a painful death.
This is my life.

Christmas, a time for wishing you were never born

As I sit here, broken, numb and mapquesting bridge, Bedford Falls, NY, I realize that George Bailey had the right idea.

In the classic movie It's a Wonderful Life, George's uncle Billy loses 8,000 dollars worth of deposits at the family-run Building and Loan.  Hence, chaos ensues and George contemplates jumping off the local bridge.  Instead, George is saved by an angel and shown what the world would be like if he was never born.  Let's just say that it's not a pretty sight and he wants his life back.

When George comes back to the real world, the whole town has pitched in and donated money to make up for the loss.  He realizes that he is the richest man in town.  To me, the moral of the story is that life really sucks and isn't worth living when you are poor.

Unscrupulously yours

In yet another craptastic downturn in my life, I have been working at Macy's for the holiday death rush.  I have decided that Macy's is as morally corrupt as Blackwater.  In general, the prices of this "upscale" department store suck.  I often want to bellow out to people waiting in line with their $60 toasters, Have you idiots ever heard of Target!  The ridiculous newspaper coupons in everyday rarely can be used.  The incessant beating on the customers to sign up for their credit card to save the 15% on products ranging from a 10 dollar shirt to a $200 food processor disgusts me.  The poor old people that fall victim to the 22.9% apr on these cards saddens the heart.

The spiel starts with the fake sincerity of every employee in the store.  This mesmerizes customers into a false sense of security.  The following is typical of the transaction:
Macy's evil robot:  "So, can I put that on your Macy's rewards card?"
Senior Citizen:  "I don't have one.  I will pay cash."
Macy's evil robot:  "You can save 15% and get monthly coupons and other benefits mailed to you."  "It only takes a minute to signup."
Senior Citizen:  "You mean I can save $7.50 off of my toaster right now?"  "Ok."
Macy's evil robot:  "Great!  All I need is your drivers license and another credit card you have, and I can get started."

Yup, just great.  It wouldn't be so bad if they offered no interest for six months or something.  Oh yeah, I can only get an employee discount if I use a Macy's card to buy things.  Slime-balls.

Another issue that I have is with their badgering of the customer to go and fill out the online survey and give the clerk that helped them an "Outstanding" rating.  I swear this company is run by 50 year old queens.  Even with The Red's online satisfaction surveys, customers had a chance to win a $5000 gift card for filling it out.  Sorry, with holiday lines five deep on both sides at all registers , I don't feel like spouting this crap a thousand times a day.  People want to get in and out without getting fake niceties puked on them.

So, next time you are in Macy's, buy something, listen to the spiel, and say, Sorry, I don't want to be indentured into a lifetime of debt and mind warping interest rates.  Then watch the backpedaling. I would laugh, ha.

Have a fuckin' outstanding day.