I was born. I suffered.
I suffered some more, and hopefully,
I won't die a painful death.
This is my life.

You are too dumb to do things the normal way, buy this new product.

Have you ever really watched any infomercial?  These things are filled with people displaying over exaggerated facial expressions and failing at accomplishing normal everyday tasks. Take for example the Windshield Wonder commercial.  It shows various people struggling with cleaning glass and almost asphyxiating to death.  Behold:


What exactly does this chick use for glass cleaner?  Mustard gas?  Sarin?

Another wretched commercial that I despise is the dreaded Snuggie.   I know that like you, blankets fly off me with not a moments notice.  I need something that I can wear around to make me look like a monk.

(My knees are freezing and this M****** F****** phone keeps ringing!) 



Another ad that is hilarious and disturbing, is the one for Sure Clip nail clipper.  It comes with a magnifying glass with a led light on it.  So next time you have friends over that may have trouble reading the paper or a food label, just give them your dirty Sure Clip to help them read.


(Here you go Aunt Betty.  Don't mind the toe jam)

Another brutal assault on the intelligence is the Touchnbrush toothpaste dispenser system.  Apparently there are millions of people out there that just don't know their own strength or suffer from clubbed hands. Obviously, putting toothpaste on the toothbrush is just too damn difficult by normal means.  Observe:

(Oops!  Damn this giant forearm!)


(Honey, did you let the blind monkey brush his own teeth again?) 

 I failed at finding the commercial with the usual idiot mashing the tomato to death with a dull butter knife, but you get my gist.