As a new feature to the blog suggested by, let's call him Chad, I have decided to start my own advice column. In this column I will impart my own special brand of knowledge and wisdom for a better life. So just reply to this post and leave your questions as a comment and I will answer as soon as possible.
You know people, I'm not one to get excited about much, but this whole "Earth getting obliterated" on Dec 21st 2012 has my bratwurst standing at attention. If you haven't heard of this impending blissful doom, I will impart some knowledge to you. The Mayan calendar officially ends in 2012 and hence, they believe that something heinous will happen to the planet and alter humanity forever. Nostradamus also believes in such cool things happening in the very near future. I know that you're just itchin' to hear what great things are going to happen in 2012. Well kids, there will be a happening called a galactic alignment in which the sun will line up with the center of the milky-way galaxy. Some say that this will cause the Earth to reverse its magnetic polarity, thus causing a massive EM pulse and wreaking havoc on the power grid and every electronic gadget on the planet.
Some also say that the galactic alignment could trigger supervolcanos, massive hurricanes, and planet crushing earthquakes. Yeehaw! I know. I know. Yes, I am grinning from ear to ear.
Alas, I have already surmised what will end up happening on 12/21/2012. Jack shit. I will, unfortunately, wake up, make my coffee, get dressed, drive to whatever horrible low-paying godforsaken, Drano-for-the-brain job that I hold and wait patiently for the next planet killing cosmic event.