I was born. I suffered.
I suffered some more, and hopefully,
I won't die a painful death.
This is my life.

After a while you don't really notice the pee smell.

You know, the thought of moving to the Big O is like buying a scratch off lottery ticket and the prizes are: Flesh-eating bacteria, getting knee-capped, or drowning in your own vomit.  So I've decided to make a Pros and Cons list. Oh sure, I have a couple of different options, and one really good one, but that would require medical intervention to treat someone's OCD and sex addictions.  So unfortunately, the old estate is probably the, gulp, cry, only one.

Pros
Get to save some money
Get to be with my parents in their last remaining wretched years of life
All the snow I can possibly stomach
Hearing the phrase: Nazi bitch 10 times a day
Three elegant upstairs rooms in which to plan my death
Get to quit The Red



Cons
Get to be with my parents in their last remaining wretched years of life
All the snow I can possibly stomach
Undoubtably, some drunk will sideswipe my car on the street
The TV is on at 600 decibels
45 minute ride to and fro to the salt mine everyday
Four words: Frank and Marie Barone
Dog pee
No Wegman's 
Knotty pine
Not a Panera in sight
Hearing the phrase: Nazi bitch 10 times a day

As you can plainly see, the near future is going to be agonizing.