I was born. I suffered.
I suffered some more, and hopefully,
I won't die a painful death.
This is my life.

How do you make black frosting?




It's time again for another reason to drown your sorrows in alcohol and butter cream frosting.  Yes, I'm talking about the yearly birthday.  There are many milestones to celebrate in life based on your age. Your 13th, 16th, and 21st are the most fun and really the last good birthdays.  All the rest are just fillers until the sweet release that is death.

You may ask "Eric, you are so happy and devoid of want, what could you possibly need for your birthday?"  The answer is, an electric can opener. My current can opener is lying in the bottom of the garbage can under the mangled can of tuna it failed miserably to open.  It is one of those can openers which cuts from the side and attempts to leave smooth edges.  These can openers were made famous in the Everybody Loves Raymond episode entitled: "The Can Opener."

Mostly, the can opener blade just spins around and chops a few gashes and laughs at me.  Inevitably, tuna juice, Bush's Baked Beans, or whatever delicacy that I'm about to enjoy will spill all over the counter.  Luckily, Progresso soup, the main staple of my diet, has cans that have the pop-tops on them.

So if any of you are in the small appliance isle somewhere, slap a bow on that Oster and put it in the mail.